KAAN: More Than Just a Conference

A Journey of Rebirth and Connection

It All Began with a TikTok...

TikTok Moment

About ten months ago, I went viral on TikTok for my accent. This unexpected moment sparked something special. Other KADS and members of the Asian American diaspora began to reach out to me. For the first time, I felt like I wasn't alone. I started talking with other adoptees about our shared experiences and the complexities surrounding them. These conversations filled the void I sensed in predominantly white spaces.

During this time, I met Nate via a live chat. He introduced me to a Zoom group where I felt instantly welcomed. Although I do not attend regularly, Nate ensures I feel included. He connected me with Claire and Laurie from The Empowered Adoptee Podcast and the Empowered Adoptee retreats.

Nate has launched his own podcast, Color Shift: Transracial Adoptees. He interviews adoptees from various backgrounds but remains a dear friend for being a bridge to my people.

Seeking Direction...

Connecting with fellow KADs and hearing their stories ignited a desire in me. I wanted to uncover my biological family. Until this point, I hadn’t felt safe exploring that option. But serendipitously, I stumbled upon the NCRC file transfer and began my search.

I watched documentaries, read news articles, and followed blogs and social media accounts. Honestly, many of them blurred together. I may need to revisit them for better understanding. However, I will always remember Rebecca's story. Her resilience deeply inspired me. I genuinely recommend her work as a resource.

Paperslip

Eventually, I made a decision I never thought possible: I bought my ticket to KAAN. It may not have been the most responsible choice, but I needed this experience.

As the event approached, I received an invitation to a baseball game with a small group of KADS. It served as a perfect icebreaker. Little did we know, we all carried our own social anxieties and fears. Each of us had been a fringe friend or outlier at some point in our lives.

Reflecting on that moment, I realize how silly it seems. We embraced each other like long-lost friends. It felt like a family reunion. As of now, I have yet to hear from my biological family. We missed direct contact, which could stem from various reasons. My fears freeze me, despite logic suggesting otherwise. But I take comfort in knowing I have my people.

MY PEOPLE. Two simple words, yet they convey so much meaning. I don't have to explain or mask my true self. I do not worry about being perceived as too loud, too blunt, or too different. I am simply enough—celebrated for who I am. Together, we uplifted one another without any pretense.

I am reminded of a poignant scene from the film Joyride. Audrey reflects on her upbringing in China, pondering if she would have felt less out of place. Would she have felt the need to overachieve? Would she have simply been a girl instead of "that Asian girl"?

Unknowingly, I have searched my entire life for this feeling. The feeling of belonging without an apology. To walk into a room without facing judgmental stares or curiosity about my background. At KAAN, I found that and so much more.

There were silly moments filled with laughter and inside jokes. Deep emotional shares about our lives, relationships, and identities. There was intention, substance, and tangible hope.

So, if you're considering attending, please take the plunge. Trust me; you won't regret it.

To My KAD Framily

The past five years have been incredibly challenging. My journey as a KAD intertwined with a painful divorce that almost broke me. I struggled with the decision to cut ties with my adoptive family, leaving me feeling isolated much of the time.

Who would have thought a chaotic group chat would change my life? It did. Over the past weekend, I rediscovered a part of myself I hadn’t seen in decades. I’ve been in survival mode for so long, and I thank you all for providing a soft place to land.

Being with you and talking with you makes me believe I don’t always have to be the strong one. I have people who will stand by me when I need support. I am eternally grateful to have found you. You are truly my anchor. My people. I love you 💜